


Break In The Routine

by Maldoror_Chant



Category: Naruto
Genre: Humor, M/M, Major weirdness, Minor Angst, Shinobi life in all its ups and downs, measured against Kakashi deadplan sarcasm, so random capitalization and declamatory speeches, we are dealing with Gai here after all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-18 01:55:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12378477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maldoror_Chant/pseuds/Maldoror_Chant
Summary: Kakashi had heard people complain about 'routine', calling it humdrum and boring. For Kakashi, routine meant that nobody was actively trying to kill him and there were no missions that day. Routine was good.An implausible green and orange streak vaulted over the iron fence and darted off a cherry tree, causing a dramatic shower of petals around him as he hit the ground. Gai, showing up for his regular challenge. Yup, still routine...Until Gai told him what he was challenging Kakashi at this time.





	1. Chapter 1

Kakashi had risen early that spring morning for his daily wake-up run to the memorial stone. He'd headed back to the village at a slower pace, reading the latest in the Icha Icha series. Walking leisurely and detouring through the park, he would still have made it to the bridge in plenty of time to meet his team at eight sharp. But then he hit a particularly vile cliffhanger, and sat down on a park bench to get through the next chapter. He wouldn't be terribly late, and besides, waiting was undoubtedly good for them.

In short, Kakashi's morning was routine so far. Kakashi had heard people complain about 'routine'. Humdrum and boring, they said. For Kakashi, routine meant that nobody was actively trying to kill him and there were no missions that day. Routine was good.

An implausible green and orange streak leapt over the iron fence of the park and darted off a cherry tree, causing a dramatic shower of petals around him as he hit the ground.

Yup, still routine...

"Kakashi, my eternal rival, I challenge you!"

"It must be Tuesday."

"Gyah! Such a cool reaction!"

"Huh-huh. Let me just finish my chapter." Kakashi lazily flipped a page. He'd gotten through the cliffhanger's resolution, but now he was curious as to how the heroine was going to lose her clothes this time.

"It is my turn to choose our proving ground. I challenge you to a match of body, will, control and spirit. We will finally get the true measure of the other. It will be a battle like never before!"

"Warn me when you get to a point."

"The art of love will be my challenge. We are going to measure our prowess as men. I challenge you to a battle to determine which of us is the better lover!"

A long minute elapsed.

Gai was still stuck in his triumphant pose, but the waves had stopped crashing behind him and the sun was no longer reflecting from his teeth. 

Kakashi was still staring at him, completely poleaxed.

"Ah-hah! You have no clever repartee this time," Gai finally tossed at his dazed rival.

"Yeah, you're right. Unless a stunned silence counts." Kakashi slowly closed his book and rubbed his uncovered eye. So much for routine. "Gai, did you just suggest we-we-...I'm under the influence of a particularly disturbing and perverse Genjutsu, that's the only explanation."

"Do you accept?!"

Well, that one was easy. "No."

Gai staggered back a few steps in shock, which was something only Gai would do. "What?! You refuse?"

"Yes."

"You refuse to compete against me? You would turn tail and run from this challenge? You would," dramatic pause, " _default_?!"

"Yeah, in a nutshell. You win. Congratulations. The prize is yours. Don't spend it all in one place."

Kakashi opened his book again. The explanation to this lunacy was simple: he'd nodded off on the park bench while reading. So hopefully if he went back to his chapter in his dream, he'd wake up soon.

He was just happy he'd chosen the deserted park to stop and read, because even in his dreams, he didn't want Gai shouting stuff like that in the middle of the village. Here, there were only a few squirrels to fall over backwards, stunned. Dream squirrels, at that. 

"This is unlike you, Kakashi. Or...is this your way of telling me that I'm an unworthy opponent?"

Kakashi's gaze dragged itself away from the pages to settle back on Gai. It did so very reluctantly. This was a gaze that didn't want anything to do with Gai standing there and talking about sex. It was a gaze which would rather linger on its favourite reading material, though even Icha Icha's innocent - and not so innocent - capers were unappealing in the present context.

"Unworthy?"

"I will not lose, Kakashi! You will declare me the victor, and not by default. My youth, my strength of will and my spirit will conquer, even though your experience in the matter is reputedly vast, and mine is nonexistent!"

You learn something new every day. When Kakashi had gotten out of bed that morning, he had no idea he'd be learning that Gai was still a virgin. If he'd known, he'd have stayed in the sack.

With all the control his Shinobi talent and training had given him, Kakashi closed his book and started to take this seriously, or as seriously as he could without losing his connection to reality.

"Gai," he said, in the tone of someone trying to talk a man in a bird suit off a ledge. "Gai, may I ask who put this idea into your head?"

Gai finally dropped his posturing and crossed his arms over his chest in a more natural gesture. "I got the idea when I discussed this with Anko."

A tiny whimper was muffled by Kakashi's mask. Gai. Had talked to Anko. About sex. Please let me wake up now?

"Anko?"

"Yes. We ended up at the cafeteria together after we both went off duty late last night."

Anko _off duty_.

"Was she drunk?" Kakashi asked, handling the words as carefully as the tripwire to a deadly trap.

"She was rather inebriated, yes."

I am definitely awake, Kakashi thought. Even my sick, twisted and Paradised brain couldn't come up with this nightmare. 

"She explained it all. Love is a battlefield! Sex is the ultimate test of self, of control!"

Great. That was Anko's spiel alright. Kakashi could almost see it. Anko had gotten drunk and horny, and, not having any of her usual harem around at that point, had decided to fuck with Gai's brains instead. 

Gai was continuing with determination. "It is an art that demands finesse rather than brute strength, yet stamina and fortitude are also necessary. The real issue is how to measure such a skill. I thought Anko, who looked very knowledgeable, and, erm, experienced, might be our measuring stick."

Kakashi's eyes went a bit glassy.

"But then she told me that you, Kakashi, prefer the company of men. So the solution was, of course, obvious. No need for a middle man, or woman rather. I find myself preferring this! We've never needed a third party to arbitrate our challenges before."

Kakashi discreetly punched his chest in an attempt to get his cardiac rhythm back to normal. For a second, there had opened before him a possible universe where Anko, Gai and himself were having a three-way orgy. Even _Jiraiya_ wouldn't have come up with that one.

Kakashi had great respect for Anko. As a Shinobi, she was powerful, dedicated and deadly serious in a fight. When it came to sex, however, Anko had all the restraint and reserve of a rabid weasel. None of the other Jounin took her to task over it. It was their opinion that if that was the worst character defect Anko had picked up from her charming old mentor Orochimaru, then Konoha had gotten off very lightly indeed. If wild sex was what was keeping Anko from carving up her colleagues and rearranging their body parts into new and interesting shapes, then wild sex she would have. Kakashi would have been one of many to step in front of that particular bullet and bed her for the sake of village and country. Fortunately, Anko wasn't really interested in silver-haired, mostly gay porn-addicts, so their sex lives had remained blissfully unconnected. Until now. 

Sometimes Anko liked to mess with people's heads; it's what made her such a good examiner. It was no secret that Ibiki was grooming her as his possible right hand. And it looked like Gai had been too tempting a target to resist. Kakashi was ready to bet she'd even suggested the whole challenge thing to him, in an underhand way. The idea of Gai hitting on Kakashi later would be hilarious to a completely toasted Anko.

Gai was still going on about manliness, the ultimate challenge and the eye of the tiger. Kakashi wasn't sure where that had come from or how tigers and their ocular apparatus were even supposed to relate to the matter at hand, but it was just further proof that Anko had really done a mind job on the poor shmuck.

Kakashi looked at the situation strategically; it was serious enough to warrant it. Gai could be very, very stubborn once he set his mind on something. 

Time for extreme measures.

"Gai," Kakashi said firmly, interrupting the flow, "I challenge you."

"What?!" Gai did the backward stagger thing again. Though they took turns choosing events, it was always Gai who went looking for these fights. Up until now, Kakashi could never be bothered.

"You heard me. I challenge you." Kakashi stood up, stowing his book away carefully. Hell, if he was going to do this, might as well go all the way and challenge Gai on his strength. "Taijutsu match. Now."

Gai's eyes narrowed, measuring Kakashi finely with all the sagacity of the Shinobi that lay beneath the postures and the brashness. "But what about-" 

He interrupted himself abruptly as Kakashi slowly raised his headband from the Sharingan. 

"You are my rival and my friend," Kakashi said, simple and straightforward. "I respect that. But sex is not something I intend to compete over. We are warriors. We test each other for skill, strength, speed, luck, you name it, not something as trivial as 'prowess'. Anko's views on that are different than my own." -drunken little vixen, wait till I get my hands on her. "But if you want a challenge, a real one...then get ready."

Gai scrutinized him in silence for a thoughtful minute. Then he turned and cleared some space between them. He faced Kakashi and slowly lifted his right hand, the left behind his back. Eyes still narrowed, a dangerous ghost of a smile, a pose that looked relaxed and easy, but which Kakashi knew was deadlier than a steel trap. Only a ripple of anticipation, a faint shiver of energy, betrayed the fact that Gai was readying for an attack. 

Kakashi smiled faintly under his mask as he took up a defensive stance. Yeah, this Gai was infinitely more familiar and reassuring than the one talking about sex.

Considering what had gone before, it was almost a pleasure to have Gai kick him to the forest floor.

Kakashi, flat on his back, glared up at the fluffy white clouds framed by shimmering leaves. He was off-balance still, and who could blame him. It was affecting his timing and reflexes. 

"Kakashi," Gai snapped from some distance away. Kakashi estimated that he'd just been hammered into the park's soft loam and had slid about twelve feet before stopping. Yup, Gai was in top shape. "What is this? You are the one who issued the challenge! Are you going to take this seriously, or-"

Gai staggered back and fell to one knee, an arm raised to parry a crucial instant too late. Kakashi had gone from sprawling to punching his rival in the face at a speed that had caught even Gai short.

"So sorry," Kakashi said pleasantly as he stepped back. "I was just warming up. Let's do this."

Gai got up slowly, rubbing the reddened spot on his jaw; Kakashi had pulled the punch, as usual. They hadn't hurt each other too badly since they were seven, back when a particularly heated game of rock-paper-scissors had degenerated. They never struck seriously, even if not doing so meant losing a match. Twenty-three years after that first fight, the score was standing at sixty-nine to sixty-eight in Gai's favour, but to be perfectly honest, it wasn't about winning or losing anymore and hadn't been for a long time now.

Gai straightened. His left fist settled behind his back and he extended his right hand once more. His eyes were hard, sharp and bright, ready to twitch away if Kakashi used the Sharingan for Genjutsu. 

The extended fingers flicked, once, twice, beckoning. 

Kakashi smirked and accepted the invitation, darting into the attack and throwing himself against the whirlwind of Gai's defence.


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi enjoyed that wonderful thing called 'routine' for a couple of months after The Incident. He tortu- trained his team, he trained himself just as severely, he waited for the next insane mission Tsunade might come up with, he enjoyed his Icha Icha series whenever he could. Life was sweet. 

But missing something.

Kakashi glanced away from the activity below to discreetly observe Gai. Both their teams had ended up in the Forest of Death that morning, which, apart from containing the Mosquitoes of Doom and the Leeches of the Apocalypse, wasn't really all that bad. At least you weren't interrupted by Shizune with a bunch of misfiled reports. 

The teams were practicing against each other; it was good exercise all around, and got the kids used to facing a variety of opponents. Right at this moment, Neji was kicking Naruto's ass- in the nicest of ways, though, because Neji had relaxed a lot in the past four years and was no longer quite so obnoxious and gloomy. Lee and Sasuke were tearing up the woods a bit further away, and Tenten and Sakura had paused in their bout to swap tips on large weapons handling. 

Kakashi and Gai's teammates were not students anymore. The kids had all graduated and risen in rank, up to junior-level Jounin for Neji. The two older men were no longer teaching a bunch of cadets; they were handing down treasured jutsus and experience to soldiers under their command. Despite all this and the years that had passed, Gai still treated his team like a bunch of kids to be chivvied and loudly encouraged whenever they scored a blow, followed by a pithy comment on Youth and Vigor. His team endured it with long-suffering patience (except for Lee, who still lapped it up after all this time). 

But not today. That was what was missing, Kakashi realized. Gai corrected in an abstracted voice when he saw a fault, and only grunted or gave a small nod as praise. When Lee kicked Sasuke through a tree, Gai said 'Very good', then stared at a large cloud above the practice field in a thoughtful way.

Kakashi went to make sure his teammate was alright. Once he assured himself that Sasuke wasn't in need of medical attention, and also not mad enough to mean that medical attention would soon be needed for Lee, Kakashi climbed back up the slight incline to the side of the clearing to watch. But he was having a hard time concentrating now. He'd learned to filter Gai out after all this time, but the absence of exclamations was as distracting and ominous as the sudden cessation of all noise in a forest when you're on patrol. Kakashi wasn't the only one to notice; Neji, Tenten and Lee were also looking at their commanding officer with worried, sidelong glances. From their stance, Kakashi thought this attitude had been going on for a few days now.

There had been nothing wrong with Gai two weeks ago, when he and Kakashi had had one of their regular matches. The score was now seventy to sixty-nine. Kakashi had won the Taijutsu match a couple of months back; he'd been too pumped up on adrenaline after his narrow escape from a threesome with Anko and Gai to lose. Since then, Gai had drawn ahead once more with the last challenge, a footrace/obstacle course through Konoha which had, unfortunately, led past the bookstore. Gai had finished the race in the remarkable time of twenty minutes, thirteen seconds and two tenths. Kakashi had taken several hours.

Concerned for some reason he was hard put to define, Kakashi put his hands in his pockets and walked over to his self-styled eternal rival. 

"Yo."

Gai looked at him slowly. 

"The kids are probably okay on their own. Want to practice?"

Gai stared at him, his mind apparently coming back from a long trip. Then suddenly he was striking a familiar pose. "Kakashi, I challenge you!"

Kakashi hadn't realized he could ever feel so relieved to hear those words. 

"Hey, hey, I was only suggesting a few throws," he drawled, scratching the back of his neck, "but if you insist...after we're done watching the brats." 

"It's your turn to choose the event." Gai was looking at him with an intensity that wasn't quite usual. 

"Well-"

A whirring sound, and something smashed into the tree halfway between Kakashi and Gai. Kakashi stared blankly at the large battle axe imbedded in the trunk about two feet from him.

"Weapons?" he asked rather weakly before turning around. "Girls? Mind being careful? Those can be rather dangerous."

"Sorry, sir! I didn't mean to throw it that far."

"Wow, Sakura, how did you do that?" Tenten asked, awed. "I can only get it ten yards, if that."

"It's all in the hips. You-"

"Weapons," Gai agreed, and went to encourage Lee with something like his old spark.

 

\---

 

Kakashi had been congratulating himself on finding a way to get Gai alone in a familiar context, and in a position to worm out what was bothering his friend and rival.

With the nunchaku weaving its way around his nose, hair and other, even more precious parts, he was starting to wonder if it had been such a good idea after all. What had possessed him to suggest armed combat with a visibly distracted Gai? 

One of the nunchaku's rods came whistling at Kakashi from the right, the side of his weaker, normal eye. He tried to catch the rod on his kunai to break the swing, but Gai jerked the other rod, the chain swung, and Kakashi had to dodge backwards to avoid the weapon scoring against his head. Dammit, Gai was playing this just a bit too seriously. Kakashi should have gone home and fetched a practice sword-

Gai jerked the rod back over his shoulder. The nunchaku curved around his body like a snake, switched hands and shot out at Kakashi from a completely different angle, from the left side and underhand, nearly catching Kakashi in the stomach.

Kakashi had only wanted to take this opportunity to have a chat with Gai, but it was time to take this seriously. He twisted on himself and parried properly, his kunai striking a metallic chime from his opponent's weapon. He ducked beneath the follow-through swing, foiled Gai's attempt to trip him, swung his kunai towards Gai's flak jacket to gain a bit of space and leapt back.

"Gai, let's-"

Gai was already on him again, nunchaku like a deadly flail. 

Kakashi flung his kunai into the ground, shot forward into Gai's space, caught Gai's wrist in his hands and twisted hard, jerking his head away from the final downswing of the nunchaku. Gai resisted for an instant, but Kakashi's burst of speed and well-applied chakra defeated the Green Beast's greater strength and brought him to his knees.

The blur of movement in the clearing finally ceased. Kakashi was pinning Gai down by the arm, Gai was down on one knee. Then Gai's head jerked as if he was waking up. He spluttered a bit, hauling against Kakashi's hold, and then his eyes settled on his rival's discarded kunai.

"What-...did you just forfeit? Or did I lose?" he asked, confused.

"Neither." Kakashi let go and took a cautious step back. "I'm just calling a time-out. This is getting dangerous. You're not concentrating."

"I'm concentrating!" Gai shot to his feet. "I was pressing you, wasn't I?"

"Yeah, you were. You do remember you're not really trying to kill me, right? Or was I supposed to respond with lethal intent too?"

Kakashi was watching Gai carefully. He saw the clench of the jaw, the dilation of the pupils as if he'd struck his adversary a blow. It wasn't just Gai's concentration that was off. Behind the familiar strength and loud words, there was a hint of something like uncertainty. Kakashi noted, in passing, that whatever the problem was, it hadn't affected Gai's fighting capacities one iota. He was too good a Shinobi for that. But it was dangerous to play-fight when distracted. Too many chances of injury, and Konoha couldn't afford having either of them hospitalized because a little friendly challenge got out of hand. When they fought with weapons, they normally tried to disarm their opponent, not clobber him into insensibility. 

Gai had rallied quickly. One fist held high, he proclaimed: "I was in control! My control is _excellent_!"

"Is that so. As the one who nearly caught your 'chak in the head a few times, it seems to me you're a bit off your game."

"What do you mean? I'm on my game! I've never been so on my game. I've got game!"

"...And you're talking nonsense. Come on, what's up? The job?"

Probably the job. Which would explain Gai's reluctance to talk about it; he would not be allowed to discuss the details. But that was okay. Kakashi had talked down quite a few Jounin from a mental edge before without needing any details. Some things were universal. He'd been on that edge often enough, and some friend had talked him down too. If anything, it was a wonder that Gai hadn't needed this before. He was damn tough, but not invulnerable, either physically or mentally.

Kakashi plucked the kunai from the ground and put it away with a deliberate gesture. Then he went to lean against a tree with his arms crossed over his chest in the classic 'I can wait longer than you've got patience' pose.

Gai swung the nunchaku around restlessly, then tossed it at his pack and started pacing up and down in tight circles, with his head down and his arms behind his back.

"Your team seems fine," Kakashi finally said with a sidelong glance at his colleague. "Was it a solo op? S-rank? Mission blow up in your face?"

"It was the challenge," Gai growled, looking away. "The one you refused."

Kakashi hadn't been expecting that one at all. It was like going out for a peaceful evening stroll and ending up in a minefield. He was pretty sure no sign of surprise or discomfort was visible in his pose, but in truth, he wasn't so much leaning against the tree now as bracing himself against it.

"Oh. That challenge. What about it?"

Gai muttered something. Kakashi had time to note just how unusual if was for Gai to mutter instead of speaking clearly and with the occasional exclamation mark. Then the words 'sex', 'challenge', 'experience' and 'somebody else' ganged up together and punched Kakashi in the head.

"You...challenged someone to- to see who was the best in bed?" Kakashi groaned, taking a guess.

Behind the shock and the wince, he felt a flash of something like hurt. A small thread of thought started that went along the lines of 'But I'm the one this idiot always challenges, _I'm_ his eternal rival', and ended up in a very strange place indeed.

But Gai had stopped pacing and was shaking his head in one of his exaggerated gestures, causing a ripple effect in his bowl cut that would have fascinated a mathematician. 

"No, I was only seeking knowledge. I wanted to understand why you had refused."

"I told you-"

"I know." Gai crossed his arms and looked mulish. "And what you said made sense. But when I talked to Anko, what she said made sense too. So I visibly lacked enough understanding of the matter to be able to judge this correctly. I am a well-travelled man of the world, with a wide range of interests, and I refuse to accept a gap in my knowledge that-"

"You were curious," Kakashi translated. 

"Curiosity and experimentation are the spice of Youth! It is what allows us to-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I went through this when I was thirteen." 

He'd been precocious. Gai, on the other hand, was the very definition of a late bloomer. He'd probably never even thought about sex until Anko had opened her big mouth. That curiosity might have contributed to that insane challenge two months back, which was off the wall even by Gai's standards. And then when Kakashi had turned him down....He must have wanted to experiment. Fortunately, Gai had only ever attended the Anko School of Getting Laid, however briefly. From the start he'd been lead to think of sex as a challenge between equals, but nothing more. It looked like the idea of love being part of the equation hadn't really crossed his mind. Shinobi didn't have much to do with romance anyway; it was not only a closed book, it was frequently used for target practice. Kakashi realized just how strangely reassured he was at that. The idea that Gai might have gotten his sturdy big heart broken was more deeply upsetting than it had any rights to be.

"So what's the problem?" he asked slowly.

Gai didn't answer right away, just started his pacing again. Kakashi waited, watching a few magpies bicker in the branches nearby. He had the time. It was only one o'clock. they'd given their teams the afternoon off after all that practice. Kurenai and Asuma and another Jounin were on call if Tsunade needed minions. The forest of Death was peaceful, the sun piercing the leaves...as far as Kakashi was concerned, he could wait here for hours.

"Do you enjoy it?" Gai finally asked.

"What, sex?" Kakashi scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully. Wonderful. Looked like he was going to have The Talk with Gai. Gai had lost his parents before puberty too, another war orphan, so it was highly possible he'd never gotten it. They should really start sex ed at the academy, even for those graduates who left before their age hit double digits. "Yeah, if you do it right, it's kinda fun."

"Do it right?" Gai stopped his pacing to stare at him intently. "How do you learn to do it right?"

"That's the crux, alright. Mostly-" Kakash was about to say 'experience', but he suddenly had a flash of prescience. A vision of Gai swearing, in his Good Guy pose, to train hard and to sleep with a dozen people before the day was out, or else do a thousand laps around the village. 

"Mostly you can find the information in books. I can lend you some," Kakashi finished, completely chickening out.

"Books? A man learns by doing!"

"Okay, then I hope you found a very, very nice and understanding woman who shared that opinion." From Gai's behaviour, that had probably not been the case.

Gai stared at him for a few seconds, and then blushed, which was something Kakashi hadn't seen him do since they were both fourteen and he'd lent Gai the newly published Icha Icha Lessons, the first in the series. It wasn't a blush of embarrassment so much as confusion, though. Gai ducked his head and stared at the ground as if he was thinking of challenging it to a match.

Suspicions confirmed. Oh boy, now what? Kakashi took a deep breath. At least he was Gai's friend, and wouldn't use this occasion to tease him. He could just imagine what that bastard Genma would do with this information. Kakashi had slept with the man a few times, when they'd both needed to unwind. Genma had never had any complaints. And once, just _once_ , after a really hard mission, Kakashi had been unable to, well, keep the interest up, it could happen to any guy- Dammit he'd been exhausted, and Genma was still laughing about it to this day-

Kakashi's internal grousing made him miss what Gai had said, though the man was talking so softly he'd probably not have heard anyway.

"What was that?"

Gai's head seemed to retreat into his vest's collar like one of his turtle's. He mumbled something again.

"Speak up, man. Look, this sort of thing happens, and as long as you don't tell Genma about it, you're-"

Gai muttered something. Kakashi's mouth stayed open behind the mask. He couldn't possibly have heard that correctly.

"You what?"

The resulting bellow was probably heard all the way to Konoha.

"I said, I wanted to have sex with a man because that's what you would do!"

The echoes washed away among the trees, leaving deathly silence in their wake. Kakashi wondered if it was his imagination or if every critter within a square mile was now staring at the two of them with beady, curious eyes. He was distantly thankful they were out in the Forest of Death and not, say, in a bar, where this kind of conversation normally took place.

"What?" he croaked.

"I said, I wanted to-"

"I heard!" Kakashi dragged his fingers savagely through his hair, and struggled to regain his detachment and laidback attitude, because in times like this, you cling to what you know. Okay. He could deal with this logically and calmly. 

"But gay, are you even Gai?"

"Huh?"

Kakashi took a deep breath, leaned back against the tree, crossed his arms and gave himself three seconds to recover.

"Are you into guys? You never showed any indications before." Then again, neither had Gai even glanced twice at a skirt while in Kakashi's presence.

Gai was giving him a blank stare.

"I don't know what you mean," he finally said. "I just...it seemed the right thing to do. That's what you do. Right?"

"That's got nothing to do with it. Didn't you want to try this with a woman? At all?"

The blank stare grew thoughtful. "No, not really. I suppose I had the opportunity, when I went back to Anko for further information. She suggested that she could further my education- you okay?"

"Yes," Kakashi coughed, trying to relax his suddenly tense muscles. Calm down. Gai was here and unharmed, and not rolled up in his bed in a fetal position, so he had definitively not lost his virginity to Anko. "Carry on."

"I went to Anko for advice on all this last month, since she seems very knowledgeable. She suggested that she could...erm...enlighten me, but I..."

Gai looked lost in thought. "I guess I always use you as my standard when I don't know what to do," he finally said. "I knew you preferred men, so that is what I decided to practice. And also...I thought maybe when I had more experience, you might change your mind. About that challenge. The one you refused, I mean."

Here's a side of guilt to go with your order of shock.

Normally Kakashi stayed well the hell out of people's private lives, apart from checking how much roughage Naruto ate, and making sure Sasuke didn't spend too much time moping over all his remorse and various personal tragedies. But somehow, this had become Kakashi's business. He didn't need more guilt, he already had more than enough for this lifetime and a couple of reincarnations, so this was something he was going to sort out.

Besides...Gai was his friend. And Kakashi was thinking of the way Gai had been staring at those blasted clouds earlier. A quiet, contemplative Gai was just Wrong.

"So what happened?" he asked, slipping his hands in his pockets. "Did Anko give you any helpful advice?" Kakashi managed to keep most of his irritation and sarcasm out of the last two words.

"Oh yes, she gave me instructions on how to court someone, as well as some basic anatomical information and some, erm, emulsifying product for, erm. She seemed very enthusiastic and amused at the entire idea."

Kakashi realized, with some resignation, that he was going to have to kill Anko. Just a little bit.

"Her suggestions were quite good. Last week, after quite a lot of confusing conversations and misunderstandings, I was able to engage with someone."

"And?" Kakashi asked, when the tale suddenly stopped.

Gai started pacing again. He was doing it in a way where he wouldn't have to look Kakashi in the eye.

Kakashi waited, and then decided that this situation required sensitivity and tact on his part. So he took out his Icha Icha Paradise, opened it with a loud riffle of pages, and barely glanced over the top of the book at Gai who had frozen to stare at him on hearing the sound. 

"Don't be a chump, Maito," Kakashi murmured, his eyes starting at the top of the page. "Being a good fighter doesn't relate to your abilities in the sack, especially the first few times. If you want to trade embarrassing stories, I've got a whole catalogue of my own. Spit it out already so we can go home sometime today."

He concentrated on his book. He'd missed his bookmark and opened it on a section he'd already read, but that was okay, he enjoyed this bit - ooh, handcuffs - and it gave Gai the opportunity to think and scrutinize Kakashi without all that embarrassing eye contact stuff going on.

"You weren't good at this either?" Gai asked slowly. He was looking at Kakashi intensely, as if the fact that his rival hadn't been a genius in this particular subject was really important to him.

"Fuck no," Kakashi answered lazily, not even glancing up from his page - knee-cuffs and chains, oh yeah, he'd forgotten about those. "I had to pick it up as I went along, and I didn't jump in at the deep end like you apparently did, if by 'emulsifying product' you meant lube." 

Dammit, that was just Gai all over, Kakashi sighed inwardly, though on the outside all he did was flip the page. Gai had been like that even when he was a kid. He didn't practice and open his Lotus Gates one by one, oh noooo; he went and blew open six at once and spent most of the age of twelve in the hospital as a result. And now he had apparently decided that anal sex was the best way to pop the cherry. Way to go. Why couldn't Gai have started off with a hand job, like every other horny teen who lost it after the first three strokes? 

The silence stretched. Kakashi finally had to glance up.

Gai was looking at him. Just...looking. It was a stare that was hard to qualify from someone who normally broadcast his feelings with a bullhorn.

Kakashi's gaze dropped from that look. He knew what Gai wanted, even if Gai didn't know it himself. He shook his head in mild exasperation.

"You're a great Shinobi, Gai. Almost as good as me." That earned him a sudden combative snort. "The rest...do you really think that could influence what I think of you? If you thought it'd actually matter to me, then maybe I've hit you in the head too many times during our matches." 

Gai was silent for a spell, then he nodded abruptly. "You are a good friend, as well as a great rival, Kakashi."

"Huh-uh."

"And a great man as well." 

"So a few guys have told me."

"I hope you won't think the worst of me, but...I'm afraid my first attempt wasn't very good. My performance was...inadequate." He started to pace again, energy and self-directed annoyance shivering off that bloody green spandex. It hurt Kakashi even to watch, so he looked at his book again.

"Did the guy you were with say something?" 

"No. He didn't have to," Gai answered a bit shortly, reminding Kakashi once again that Gai was could be pretty weird and boneheaded at times, but he wasn't dumb by a very long stretch.

"And you didn't really enjoy it, I take it?"

"I guess it was okay...." Gai was frowning again, that inward, thoughtful frown. "But it was confusing, I couldn't seem to figure out what to do and when, and it hurt a bit."

"You mean you-" Surprise caused Kakashi's book to wobble. Whoa, Gai had bottomed? That was unexpected. Though it shouldn't have been. Gai always went to the very end of his weird ideas and went for the greatest challenge first. Still, Kakashi could more easily imagine Gai on top. No wonder- wait a sec. 

"Hurt? How bad?" 

"Less than a one," Gai answered absently, which told Kakashi quite a lot. That was how you answered after a fight. How bad? You gave an indication of your injuries on a scale from one to ten. A ten was the loss of a limb or two.

Kakashi could feel something near his covered eye start to twitch. Yeah, sure, first times were never the best. And a 'less than a one' was the sort of minor ouch you picked up without even noticing until all your major wounds were stitched and bandaged and you happened to glance down and think 'huh, when did that happen?' But the fact that it had even _registered_ on the scale was wrong. The point wasn't that it had hurt ten times less than amputation or disembowelment. The point was... 

Despite what Anko had suggested to Gai two months ago, Kakashi's experience wasn't 'vast'. It was also exclusively among other Jounin, with the occasional Chuunin exception. Civilians didn't understand the mental, emotional and physical constraints the job imposed. If one of his Jounin fuck-buddies wasn't around, Kakashi stuck to his Icha Icha Paradise and his own imagination. Kakashi liked his imagination: it didn't get emotionally involved with him, it didn't require wining and dining before putting out, and it didn't get offended when Kakashi was in a killing rather than a cuddling mood. 

He knew some Jounin who had given up on sex altogether as being too much effort and a potential weakness an enemy could exploit. But Kakashi had no intention of ever giving up a small source of pleasure and relaxation. It felt good, and it allowed him and his friends to let go and unwind in the presence of someone they could trust. That made it worth all the efforts. 

Who knew what Gai had hoped to get out of it? What mattered, though, was that he'd been hurt a tiny bit at a moment when he wasn't really expecting it. The pain itself wouldn't be that important, Gai was used to a lot worse. It was the blow to his self-confidence that counted. He was used to being on top of every situation, or just about. And of course, Gai wasn't going to shrug, brush it off and let it go. He wasn't wired that way. 

Kakashi stared at Gai who appeared to be deep in thought again. Probably going over the event repeatedly to figure out what he'd done wrong, a habit of his when he lost a fight. Kakashi had the Sharingan, the talent and the instinct for figuring out his mistakes and learning from them, but Gai had only hard work and bloody-minded determination, as usual. And normally this was enough. 

But this wasn't something you could figure out like a Taijutsu move or an enemy strategy. Gai was missing some basics here, stuff that Anko wouldn't even have thought to give him. Despite all his efforts, he was having a hard time figuring out what he'd done wrong. And the guy he'd been with had obviously not thought to enlighten him, either before, during or after.

As he watched his oldest surviving friend chew things over, Kakashi came to a sudden conclusion. It was a very simple conclusion. It went unquestioned, unchallenged. It didn't stop to wonder why Kakashi was getting uncharacteristically worked up over something fairly minor. No, this conclusion was The Way Things Were Going To Be.

And the conclusion was: Somebody was going to suffer for this.

"Hey, Gai?"

Gai looked at him inquiringly.

"Who was it? Who was the lucky guy?" 'Lucky' being a very relative term...

"I can't tell you."

"Huh?"

Gai looked at him as if the reason was obvious. Kakashi asked him to elaborate anyway. The twitching under his headband was back.

"I can't tell you. He asked me not to."

"He asked you not to tell me?"

"You or anybody. He said we should keep this between ourselves, which I thought sounded fair. Anko explained about Discretion." Gai looked like he was trying to spell out a foreign word when he said that. "And he said it was a one-off thing and he didn't want to inform anyone."

Somebody was going to suffer a lot.

"Why?" Kakashi forced his voice into its usual laid-back drawl, though it was surprisingly difficult to keep out the growl. Apparently Gai hadn't quite picked up on the fact that that was a bit weird, and Kakashi didn't want him thinking about it too much.

Gai gave him another blank look. After too many need-to-know-only orders and instructions, you got into the habit of accepting secrecy without really thinking.

"Never mind." 

Kakashi didn't lose his temper. Kakashi _never_ lost his temper. Fury clouded the judgment. A burst of rage could kill someone quickly, whereas a level-headed interrogator could make things last for days. Kakashi took the flicker of wrath that had suddenly blossomed deep in his head, and harnessed it instead of letting it out. 

He was rewarded with a flash of intuition. Aha. Now to confirm it. And deal with it.

"Gai? Look, we need to have a talk. But I have to do something else first," because the twitching at his temple was getting distracting. "Can you meet me back at my place in about an hour? Let yourself in the window, you know the traps and all."

Gai nodded seriously, still way too quiet for Maito Gai.

Kakashi spun on his heels and went hunting.


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi hunted through the corridors of Konoha's battle HQ, his mind on what Gai had told him and on an incident two days ago. 

He'd met up last Tuesday at the armoury with Ebisu and Gai to discuss Tenten and Sakura assisting with advanced weapons training for some of the academy students. The discussion had only taken a couple of minutes, or Kakashi would have noticed something was off with Gai a whole lot sooner. 

Just as they were finishing, Kakashi remembered being interrupted by one of the Chuunin in charge of the armoury. One Idika Masuyo. He'd walked around a corner, caught sight of them, stared at Gai for half a second then backed up so suddenly he'd knocked over a stack of ledgers. 

What was even stranger than Idika's behaviour, now that Kakashi was seriously analyzing it, was the fact that Gai had not rushed over to help him pick up the books. He'd turned his back on the Chuunin, finished the discussion in a couple of words and left. Idika had discreetly followed Gai's departure with his eyes. Granted, a lot of people did that with Gai. Kakashi blamed the green spandex. But it was more than that. There was something a bit off in Idika's behavior. Even Ebisu had noticed something odd; he'd asked Kakashi about it later, though it turned out that all Ebisu had really been interested in was Idika's single status. That Ebisu was such a pervert, Kakashi thought virtuously.

Kakashi finally tracked Idika down in the scroll room where they kept the massive summons used for war and demolishing enemy battalions. Good, this place was high level security access only. The chances of being disturbed were considerably less.

Idika was twenty years old, tall and slightly handsome, Kakashi had to concede. He was popular among his peers, mainly because he was loud, amusing, efficient at what he did yet not ambitious enough to be a threat or an annoyance to anyone. He was also going to be a Chuunin all his life, if he didn't have the instincts to feel Kakashi watching him from the shadows like a wolf watching a sick, tottering fawn.

"Sir?" Idika looked surprised when Kakashi finally stepped forward. Kakashi was part of an infiltration and strike team, and had never before needed scrolls that required the cooperation of an entire tactical unit.

Kakashi leaned against the wall next to the bookshelf Idika was working at.

"Let's talk about Gai," he suggested with a friendly smile curving his eye.

Until then, Kakashi had been running on intuition and instinct, but the look on Idika's face gave him all the assurance he needed that he'd been right.

"Gai-san?" Idika managed to catch the scroll he'd fumbled. "What about him?"

Idika wouldn't last long on an undercover op; ten second, tops, Kakashi estimated, watching the thoughts flicker through the other's eyes. The younger man must have realized he'd betrayed himself. He gave a rueful half-shrug.

"I guess he told you?"

After you asked him to shut up about it, Kakashi mentally growled, I could have torn out his fingernails and he wouldn't have told me about you, you moron. Not unless Konoha's safety was in jeopardy. Hmmm, torn-out fingernails...

Idika was looking uncertainly at Kakashi's mask and the visible eye almost closed in a harmless, cheerful crescent (of course, the real fun was when the fingers were dipped in lye after the nails were out...)

"So, how did that even happen?" Kakashi asked.

Idika relaxed and grinned sheepishly. "He didn't give you the details? Well, we ran into each other in Hangar Six the other day, and he said- he's blunt. I'll give him that. And enthusiastic. I was just off my shift and I had nearly an hour to kill before I had to meet the gang for the evening. I thought it'd be worth a shot."

Idika laughed. Kakashi laughed. Lye bubbled when it came into contact with blood; it was fun when the victim was made to watch.

"I see, just a fast and hard one in the closest closet, right?"

"We did make it to the maintenance room."

"Maybe a bit too hard? Gai mentioned it hurt."

"Did it?" Idika seemed honestly surprised. "He said he was ready."

Kakashi winced internally. Damn, of course Gai would say that, not knowing what the hell he was saying he was ready for.

"Anyway, most Jounin like it, you know...rough." 

Idika was giving him a measuring glance that made Kakashi's fists itch, but he kept his poise and didn't let the slightest ripple cross his body, face or aura. 

Idika was a young, superficial and self-centered idiot, like many a twenty-year-old single male, and he had all the survival instincts of a depressed lemming, but he also had a point. Jounin were not generally known for being patient, gentle lovers. It wasn't anything kinky, it was a matter of desensitization. 'Slow and tender' was all well and good, but your typical Jounin was likely to fall asleep before it got good enough to keep him interested. Rough was not the same as painful, though. By the time they got to the higher ranks, most Shinobi had had enough pain to last them ten lifetimes. There were a few who were into the weirder games, but then it came down to a matter of trust. Hurt them when they weren't expecting it and you were breathing through a hole in your throat while they were still apologizing for their reflexes.

But Gai wouldn't know that. Gai's knowledge of the entire spectrum of dos and don'ts was nonexistent. But being Gai, he'd probably not shown any doubt or hesitation, just plunged right in, thinking his self-confidence, considerable abilities and bravery would get him through anything, like they did in battle. The problem here had been one of misunderstanding, Kakashi concluded, feeling his anger dissipate. Idika hadn't realized Gai was a complete virgin, so-

"You won't be telling the others about this, right?" Idika asked with a grimace of embarrassment. "The guys would never let me live it down."

Oh look, the anger's back. And it brought friends!

"No offence if he's a buddy of yours, of course," Idika added, not sounding either very sorry or very convinced of the possibility that someone as cool as Kakashi could be friends with Gai. 

Kakashi didn't say anything. While Idika was chuckling about Gai and his poses and his clothes and his Youth speeches, Kakashi was deep in a sudden memory. 

...Seventy-two hours of subjective hell at the hands of one Uchiha Itachi. Kisame lunging forward, that bloody great sword of his raised to skewer Kakashi who could barely move. Gai stepping between them and slamming shark-boy back thirty feet. Gai, reaching into the cold, dark water Kakashi was sinking in and dragging him out to the light...

"He was actually rather funny, though I don't think that was intentional," Idika was saying. "I've never been picked up quite that way before. I mean, he's _blunt_. Er, if you don't mind me asking, what's up with you two? You're always beating each other up."

"We're rivals," Kakashi heard himself say. He wondered if he'd ever seriously referred to Gai like that to anybody else.

"Oh yeah?" Idika gave him that slow, interested gaze again. "Rivals, huh? Well, this is one area I bet he won't rival you much. Is that what you wanted to know? What it was like? It was okay, sort of, but nothing fantastic. He's stiff and clumsy for a Jounin. At one point he nearly backhanded me and broke a shelf in the room we were in. Mind you, we might have gotten our wires crossed. He said it hurt? I didn't mean that. Maybe I better apologize...but I don't want him getting ideas about, you know, me hanging around."

"Oh, I don't think that's something you need to worry about," Kakashi purred. "You sleep with a lot of Jounin?"

"Not a lot, no," Idika murmured, stepping right into Kakashi's strike range and leaning against the bookshelf's side. "But a few. They never had any complaints till now."

"Ever do Anko?" Kakashi asked lazily, uncrossing his arms and toying with the reinforcements on the back of one glove.

"Er, no. She's...something special, I heard. Is that true?" There was even more respect for Kakashi in Idika's eyes as he leaned forward breathlessly.

Kakashi didn't correct the misunderstanding, he just smiled and drawled: "Oh, she's definitely special. And she's a buddy of mine. She taught me a few, ah, fun things."

Idika's interest was acute now as his eyes drifted down Kakashi's body. Anko had something of a reputation for creativity.

"She learned a lot from her dear old mentor," Kakashi continued pleasantly, his fingers blurring through the seals. "Here, this is a little something she showed me once. Ol' Orochimaru never coined a name for this Genjutsu, but Anko calls it 'Fried Brains for Breakfast'. Have a slice."

Only a tiny touch, really. If you killed guys for being young, insensitive, stupid brutes, then humanity would be wiped out in short order.

"Right." Kakashi crouched down and pulled the fallen Idika up by the hair. "Let's get this straight. When you can walk again, you'll go tell the guys and everyone you know - even your mom - that you had a really good time with a respected, powerful Jounin the other day. No details, you're not the kind to kiss and tell. You'll just tell them it was great. But make sure they know to watch their step. Because anybody who messes with Maito Gai is messing with me. I'm a busy guy. I don't want to go around hurting people more than I have to. Enjoy the next five minutes of my jutsu; that's the best part. Then it goes downhill."

Kakashi left Idika puking on the floor and headed home to fix this. Somehow.

Or he could just ignore it.

Gai was tough. Really tough. People didn't always realize it. He'd been through the school of hard knocks same as them all. He'd buried family, friends and pupils. He'd fought until he collapsed, then he got up and fought some more. Idiots like Idika latched on to the fact that he was a bit weird. Well, so were all the best Jounin. In Gai's case, the weirdness was an integral part of his character, but it was also a coping mechanism of sorts. It was the same for Kakashi. The Icha Icha Paradise, the laid-back attitude and the strange sense of humor were indeed all parts of Kakashi's personality. But they also reminded him who he was; routines he could rely on like guardrails. They put up a buffer between him and the soulless monster he could easily become if he let himself slip. Besides, nice guys are always prevailed upon for favors while nobody expects much from a sarcastic pervert who's always late.

So yeah, Gai was tough. He'd get over all this pretty quickly, once he realized he hadn't lost any of Kakashi's respect. Of course, confused over the whole deal and with no pleasant memories of it, it was likely that Gai would never have sex again, but sex was a messy, fleeting business that was highly overrated, and that was the sad truth of the matter. 

Yeah.

Right.

Oh shit, Kakashi thought, I can't believe I'm contemplating having sex with Gai.

His brain felt like it was trying to squirm out of his cranium and escape through his ears to run away from that idea.

I couldn't possibly. I mean, this is Gai. I'd have to get naked. With _Gai_. I'd have to- 

At least he's already seen me without my mask.

That small thought popped into his mind from some dark, dusty corner of his skull. It brought with it a faint wash of bile and nausea.

- _Kakashi felt something more than ribs and a lung being punctured by his kunai_ -

No. He didn't want to remember that. It was too nice a day to remember that shit. It was sunny, peaceful, he hadn't actually killed anybody in ages- It had been just one more wonderful episode of his blood-soaked life, he didn't particularly want to remember any of them if he could. That's what he had his books for. But even as his fingers fished around in his satchel, the memory was rising like smoke in his mind.

Kakashi felt something more than ribs and a lung being punctured by his kunai. Through the slash in the man's body armour, a flash of white; a scroll. A hiss-

The Mist Shinobi folded over Kakashi's kunai. Blood spattered. The man was already dead, but he was going to take Kakashi with him.

Poison trap!

Kakashi threw himself backwards as the invisible cloud poured from the scroll wrapped around the dead man's chest, following the first gush of blood.

He could move faster than most. He managed to get upwind of the danger zone with only minimal contact with the poison. It wasn't his day to die. But it sure felt like it.

The exposed skin was burning. His eyes- the right one felt like it had been bathed in acid. The Sharingan had simply gone blind and numb from sensory overload. He ripped off his mask, and realized that that didn't help him breathe- breathe! His mouth and throat had swollen shut, blisters erupting on his lips and tongue-

People around him. Kakashi barely kept enough presence of mind as he choked and burned and asphyxiated, to recognize Leaf Shinobi and not kill them on instinct. 

Two Genin and a very young Chuunin, part of the cleanup team; the kind of kids the Mist assassin had been aiming for in the first place as he circled the battle behind the main forces. The young ninja were dithering at a safe distance from Kakashi, their hands waving helplessly as he writhed on the ground. They were only a couple years younger than he was, but at sixteen, Kakashi was a Jounin and part-time Anbu, and he had survived one war already, whereas this would be their first battlefield. And possibly their first dead superior officer soon.

"S-sir?!" The Chuunin tried to approach but backed away hastily from the armed man as Kakashi convulsed.

"Get some water!" another gasped.

Idiot, that won't help. Kakashi's fingers felt like boneless flesh as he fumbled at his pack. His ears were ringing so badly, he only heard the tail end of the next suggestion.

"-tracheotomy?" a kunoichi asked in a white voice.

Great. I've survived an assassin rigged with a Mist poison suicide scroll, to die at the hand of a bunch of panicking numbskulls. He couldn't feel his limbs anymore, and he couldn't see to direct his fingers to his medical pack, and he couldn't speak and he couldn't _breathe_!

Something hit him hard, scything his numb legs out from under him and laying him flat on the ground. Before he could react, the top of his vest was ripped open and he was hit in the chest with something sharp.

Either that's a kunai and I'm dead, or that's the adrenaline and anti-toxin injector, Kakashi thought dazedly. He was fading fast.

A few seconds passed, thunderous aching heartbeats.

Suddenly air ripped into his lungs like a blade. He choked and tried to force in more. 

He pawed at the muddy ground, struggled to rise- an arm gripped him around the waist and hauled him forward, and he threw up. A finger forced his painful, blistered lips open and roughly cleared the gunk from his swollen mouth before he accidentally inhaled it. 

Gai, thank god...Kakashi recognized the man's chakra signature. And, since the big black spots in front of his stinging right eye had started to clear, he also recognized the unmistakable orange legwarmers, now rather dirty.

"Kakashi." Gai's voice was firm. "Was that the last one?" 

"Last one in my sector," Kakashi said, and completely failed to make a sound. Gai must have read his lips though, because he nodded.

"Hold up, there's poison," Gai snapped over his shoulder at the Chuunin who'd tried to get around him to help Kakashi. The kid was holding his own medical pack and waving it around, a bit behind on events. Gai sighed shortly under his breath, then, as if regretting having been so unusually harsh, he cheerfully exclaimed: "You are too young to die, in the springtime of Youth, in the full flex of life!"

Kakashi doubled over and vomited again. It was mostly due to the poison.

"I'll take him. This area should be safe now." Gai manoeuvred him up and hauled Kakashi's arm over his shoulder. "Guard that body over there, but don't get any nearer to it, and make sure to stay upwind at all times. Wait until the Anbu show up to deal with that one. But I put you in charge of this battlefield. I trust you to not let any other young person stumble into this trap!"

Kakashi distantly noted that Gai had kept his body between Kakashi's unmasked face and the gawking teens since he'd arrived. 

"Don't you want help carrying him?" It was Miss We-Should-Do-A-Tracheotomy who asked that hesitantly. 

She got a brilliant encouraging pose for her suggestion. "No, he'll be walking in a minute. We're fine. Do your job, young kunoichi! Our fighting forces rely on you!"

Kakashi was not 'walking in a minute', but he preferred to be moving swiftly with Gai's support rather than being stretchered by a couple of greenhorns who would probably drop him. They made the five minute trip to the field hospital in watchful silence. Gai had one of Kakashi's arms slung over his shoulder and was holding him by the waist, his fingers on Kakashi's weapons just in case they were jumped. When the camouflaged medi-nin tent was visible through the trees, Gai stopped.

"Can you get there on your own?"

"Yes," Kakashi croaked.

"Good, I need to do another pass. The Anbu obviously missed a few. I'll spread the word about the suicide scrolls."

Gai propped him up against a tree with little ceremony, and then tweaked Kakashi's mask up over his face as if it was the most natural thing to do. He turned, took two steps away, then gave a thumbs-up and one of his brilliant sparkly smiles over his shoulder. "Get well! I count on challenging you as soon as you are recovered!"

"Sure. Go," Kakashi whispered hoarsely, making a 'shoo' gesture. Gai had already disappeared before he'd finished it. Kakashi turned and made his way to the field hospital on his own two feet, mask and headband firmly in place, covering the sweat, pallor and traces of the attack.

He'd never thanked Gai. It had never occurred to him to do so. He'd saved Gai's fancy skin a number of times and Gai had never thanked him either. Thanks implied gratitude for something that was given. Gai and Kakashi saved each other because that was what they did, like breathing.

Talk about breathing...a noise prickled Kakashi's alarms, bringing him suddenly back to the present.

He'd been heading home as well as tripping down memory lane, and now that he was within sight of the gate, he could hear a distant grunt of effort. Like a man fighting, Kakashi thought, still half in his memories of a past battle. His hand strayed to his kunai holder. The grunt was followed by another grunt, and another...it was starting to sound familiar, when you knew Gai.

Kakashi vaulted over the high wall. He hadn't bothered with the gate in ages, it probably didn't even open any more. Gai was in the centre of the small courtyard doing one-armed press-ups. He was wearing his backpack and by the looks of it, he'd added a couple of the decorative stones from the garden to the load. 

Kakashi wandered over to him.

"What is it now?" he asked.

Gai glanced up questioningly without losing his rhythm.

"What stupid bet with yourself did you lose this time?" Kakashi elaborated, hands in his pockets, looking down at his friend.

"Just- five -practicing - four -" 

"How many more you got to do?"

"Two hundred thirty one...-thirty....-twenty nine-...eight-"

"Okay, I'll be sitting over here." Kakashi knew better than to try and interrupt. It might be 'just practice' to pass the time while waiting, but he was pretty sure Gai had tagged on some kind of insane condition to this exercise, and Kakashi had plans for Gai this afternoon that didn't involve Gai running hundreds of laps around Konoha.

That was when he realized he was going to do it. It was one of those bloody Conclusions again, the kind that resisted attempts to dissect them, so Kakashi didn't try.

It was a nice day, early summer. He sat down on the porch and watched Gai go at it for a few minutes, then his gaze wandered around the yard.

The small crab-apple tree in the corner was still stubbornly refusing to die. Kakashi didn't take any care of it, and it was a miserable old thing, older than the Hatake ancestral digs themselves. Kakashi had moved back here a year ago, when he'd been briefly put in charge of Sasuke's parole. His previous one-room apartment had been too small for Kakashi, Sasuke and the latter's guilt and gloom. Then somebody in Tsunade's office decided they didn't want any of Kakashi rubbing off on the last Uchiha heir if they could possibly help it. Both Kakashi and Sasuke had been insanely relieved. Kakashi was thinking of moving back out, finding a small apartment again, but he never really had the time to look for one.

Gai's controlled, regular breathing whispered around the corners of the severely empty yard.

Another memory shivered behind Kakashi's eyes like the afternoon sunlight off the branches of that bloody crab-apple tree...

...Two more men down. Kakashi breathed easily, pooling his reserves. He didn't know how many more Sound- and Sand-nin were around. He wasn't worried about the Hokage, he wasn't worried about Team 7 and Pakkun, he wasn't worried about his own life, and he was certainly not worried about Gai who would fight at his back until they wore him down, and that would take those pitiful Sound bastards the whole day, or possibly a week. 

Kakashi only worried about one thing; doing his job. 

Stab, rip, jerk the blade away, kick, dodge, fall back.

Their battle rhythms were so attuned that he and Gai both leapt into the middle of the stadium's seats at the same time, ending up back to back as neatly as if the move had been planned ahead and rehearsed a couple of times. Kakashi could feel the heat radiating from Gai's face as the latter glanced over his shoulder; that and the deepened, regular breathing were the only signs of exertion from Gai.

"Twenty six," Gai said.

"You're still leading by one." 

Kakashi's hand flashed out, the kunai flying- "Scratch that. Even score."

"I think they're regrouping. I can't see Asuma- shall we go help Genma and Kurenai?"

"No." Kakashi's Sharingan was whirling, watching the pattern of a gathering attack. "Stand your ground. They're coming at us again."

"Then it is time for me to finally win this competition, my rival. If I lose, I will perform a thousand high-jumps before the day is out!" Gai exclaimed, his presence as solid as a wall at Kakashi's back.

Yeah, you could always rely on Gai. 

Kakashi passed a hand through his hair, as if the tug of his hand could drag him back to the present.

Gai was always there. In Kakashi's life, most of what he'd considered his had been ripped away, sometimes before he'd even gotten around to appreciating it. But Gai never changed. And if he never changed, then he would never go away or die in some gruesome manner...

Deep inside, Kakashi was starting to wonder if that hadn't been the reason he'd shied away so violently from the whole sex-with-Gai thing in the first place. Because now that he was actually considering it, the sex part itself didn't bother him that much. But he didn't want to change things between them. He didn't want anything to change that brave, posing, loud, reliable Gai he knew so well. That would represent a permanent break in the routine. Kakashi liked routine. It meant he and those he cared about would live to see another day, instead of dying unexpectedly.

...Now that he'd calmed down a bit, he realized he might have been just a teensy bit harsh on Idika. Not that much, mind you. But it was very unlike Kakashi to lose his detachment like that. 

In fact, offhand, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been that angry with someone. And over something so small, so trivial; even a better-informed Gai wouldn't have done more than lecture the bastard. 

Looked like the routine was already broken. Things had already changed. 

"Done!"

Kakashi blinked and looked up at the Mighty Green Beast of Konoha standing before him, slightly flushed and beaming. Whatever the mental turmoil, violent physical exercise always made Gai feel better. 

"Right..." 

Something rather odd happened. Kakashi hesitated. 

He was pretty sure his demeanour didn't betray it - sitting on the porch, chin on fist, eye hooded and lazy. But inside, doubts were trickling through his conviction like cold water down his spine.

How the hell do I broach the subject? Never had any problems picking people up before, but this is Gai...talk about a special case.

What if he says no?

What if he says yes and I don't do a good job and turn him off even more?

What if he freaks out on me and stops coming over every so often to challenge me to those stupid matches? 

I'd actually miss those...

Gai was waiting patiently. Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. 

...If I don't do this, he might get inquisitive again and we'll have another Idika.

Yeah, I'll be buried in a hill of fire ants before I let that happen.

"So, Gai, you still curious about sex?"

Gai blinked and proceeded to look extremely suspicious. "Why?"

Kakashi got up off the porch and brushed himself off, before heading to the front door. "Come on inside and I'll show you how it's done."


	4. Chapter 4

"Come on inside and I'll show you how it's done."

Kakashi opened his front door, fingers disarming the trap on the lock without any conscious input from his brain. Most of his attention was on the silence behind him. He normally knew how Gai would react down to the slightest twitch, but they were both heading straight into uncharted waters here.

Before he could start to worry, Kakashi heard the thump of a backpack landing on the porch behind him. By the time he'd kicked off his sandals, Gai had followed him inside, murmuring the traditional apology for entering. 

Gai got rid of his own shoes, looked up and asked brightly: "What are you going to show me? Those books you mentioned?" 

Kakashi rolled his eyes. "No. It might have been a good place to start at a few years ago, but I think we need something a bit more down-to-earth at this point."

"So what are you going-"

Gai's voice rattled to a stop and his eyes bugged out. Kakashi had pulled down his mask, an ingrained habit once he'd crossed his threshold and checked out the room. The reflex had felt strangely natural despite Gai's presence. 

A thick silence settled.

"Oh," Gai said quietly.

"If that's not okay with you, we can go through those books. It's no big deal."

Gai was staring at him. The very few other people who'd seen him without his mask had spent the first few minutes scrutinizing his face more or less discreetly, and Gai hadn't seen it for nigh on fourteen years; Kakashi had changed. But the only thing Gai was looking at was Kakashi's visible eye, gauging his rival and the unspoken proposal that had been tossed down between them. 

"I thought you didn't want this," Gai said, speaking slowly.

"I'm not going to sleep with you because of a stupid challenge." Kakashi moved into the main room. "And I don't want this to change things between us. This is just in the interest of your education."

"Like Anko had suggested?"

"Better me than Anko, buddy, better me than Anko."

"But why?"

Why? Damn, there were a lot of reasons, and some of them sounded arrogant, and some of them condescending, and some of them sounded just plain weird.

But one of them popped out without much of a warning.

"You're my rival. I don't like the idea of having a field where you can't rival me, even if we never compete over it. All these challenge things...they keep me on my toes."

For an instant, Gai looked touched. Then he just looked confused. 

"But if we're not going to compete-"

"Just get your ass over here if you're up for it."

Kakashi dropped off his vest as he entered the bedroom. It was as soberly clean as the rest of the house, except for stacks of books piled here and there, and a few homey touches he'd brought from his one-room apartment. The bed had once again been placed beneath a wide window-sill bearing photographs, an attempt to recreate the environment Kakashi had carved around himself over the years, one more routine he felt comfortable with. Kakashi essentially lived in this room and hardly ever ventured into the rest of the house. 

He threw open the window, letting in some sunshine and clean air. The nearest neighbours were some distance away, and they had long since learned to ignore any kind of noise, alarming, embarrassing or otherwise, coming from the Hatake residence. Kakashi grabbed the photographs off the sill and put them face down on a shelf. Didn't want the kiddies to see this.

Gai didn't do 'uncertain' very well. And he probably didn't know what 'shy' or 'nervous' even meant. When Kakashi turned around, Gai was in the doorway to his bedroom in a pose Kakashi recognized: fists on hips, shoulders back, chest out, face firm. It was the same pose he'd struck before trying to master the Lotus Gate technique and succeeding. It echoed the same kind of determination, inner strength, clarity of mind and spirit with which he'd mastered a technique which most Shinobi, even the Sennin, wouldn't think to attempt. Really, Kakashi thought dryly, next to that, learning how to get laid was going to be a doddle. 

"I see you're up for it. Okay, let's get a few things straight." He slipped off his headband and tossed it at a pile of books near the bed; the pile went sliding heedlessly across the floor. "First off, this is not a competition. It's just two buddies having a good time. Try to relax and enjoy yourself or this is going to end rather quickly and unamusingly."

Gai nodded seriously.

"Next, this is so you learn how to do it correctly and know what to expect next time you get curious. That means that now is the time to ask questions, even the stupid ones, and you have to tell me if I'm going too fast. Or if you're getting bored. Hell, you never clammed up on me before, I'd hate to think you'd start now."

A faint smile twisted Gai's lips; it was slightly sardonic. He never talked too much, as he'd already informed Kakashi repeatedly over the years. Gai never said a word more or a word less than what was absolutely perfect for every occasion.

"And finally...the most important."

Gai became all attentive again. He looked like he was about to salute.

"Listen up, because I'm serious about this one," Kakashi said as he approached. "If you let loose one- and I mean it, just _one_ single motherlovin' proclamation on Youth or Prowess or Vigor while we're in the sack, I'll gag you. Got it?"

"Huh?"

At this point, Kakashi was in arm's reach. He grabbed Gai by the top of the vest and shoved him gently against the door jamb. He'd see in a minute if Gai was really up for this, or if he was about to stomp out after socking Kakashi in the jaw.

The one inch height difference between them meant that it was easier to deal with noses and other practicalities. Kakashi held Gai's jaw between his fingers and let the other hand trail down Gai's arm while he simply touched lips to lips. Start it off slowly. Gai was so ready to beat this and master it that he was getting a bit twitchy, and a twitchy Jounin had to be handled carefully.

The lips against his became a breath less stiff after initial resistance. Kakashi took it as a sign to continue. He didn't think Gai would run off now - or rather, punch Kakashi through the wall and then run off. He inched his body closer, making sure to telegraph each movement well in advance and to move slowly. As an afterthought, he fished around, grabbed Gai's hand and put it on his hip. Gai immediately relaxed a bit. The fingers on Kakashi's hip flexed slightly, as if curious yet cautious about testing the extent of their involvement, and the lips finally shivered beneath his. Yeah, much better. 

Next step. Kakashi tilted his head and opened his mouth. His hand drifted from Gai's arm to his hip, where he started kneading a slow pattern with his thumb. After a few seconds, Gai was feeling at Kakashi's skin through his shirt with his fingertips. He was catching on. 

Kakashi let his tongue slowly come into play, first against Gai's lips. The muscles beneath his fingers clenched in surprise, but Gai didn't pull away. So Kakashi went further, slowly but surely, nudging Gai's lips apart and taking a quick swipe inside. A hint of apple, Gai must have eaten one for lunch. He wasn't really responding...

Kakashi broke away to change the angle of the kiss. He slid his hand further up Gai's jaw, fingers nudging the black hair. As an afterthought, he twisted forward slightly so that Gai's hand was on his ass and their bodies glued together. Gai was warm through the shirt and opened vest. Kakashi leaned into a chest like a wall, his fingers appreciating the sheer solidity of Gai's body. Beneath Kakashi's cupped palm, the pulse at Gai's throat was going at a rapid healthy thump. The heat, the closeness, the shiver of power in the muscles against his body, were doing good and exciting things to Kakashi's own cardio-vascular system.

There was a limit to what a normal - or even slightly eccentric - male could be subjected to in such a cosy, friendly situation before his uncertainties gave way to the primal reactions hotwired into the species. 

When Gai snapped, it was almost audible - actually, it was audible, it was the creaking of Kakashi's ribs as an arm shot around him and hauled him close, grinding their hips and chests together and tangling their legs. The hand on his ass was finally starting to take the sort of perverted liberties that Kakashi rather expected in these situations, and when their lips met again, Gai's were open. Kakashi promptly took over his rival's mouth and went about proving how fun tongue-tag could be. Gai got the concept in about three seconds and the bout that resulted was as fierce as any match. Tongues thrust, riposted, parried, swiped, there might even have been some other moves in there that were momentarily borrowed from Taijutsu and fencing.

Whoever said Kakashi wasn't a good teacher, huh?

Gai made a rumbling sound in his throat. Kakashi's fingers slid upwards, mauling that bowl cut; his other hand grabbed the door jamb to anchor him even more firmly against the body he was pinning. Braced, he moved his legs and managed to press into Gai in all sorts of more interesting ways. Gai's hand on his back convulsed and he nearly bit Kakashi on the lip, but then his whole body started to slowly relax and move in synch - bar the bits that shouldn't relax, or Kakashi would have been offended. Gai eased up a bit on the ribs and started to rub Kakashi's back slowly, a gesture that wasn't simply an imitation of anything Kakashi was doing. It felt strangely warm and comforting.

Kakashi finally broke the kiss and leaned back. He was panting a bit, though he was trying to not be too obvious about it, that and the drool. He had a reputation to maintain here. He wiped his lips discreetly while Gai was still trying to focus. He felt warm; the shirt was going to go very soon. He'd been a bit worried that he might not get it up in these rather peculiar circumstances, but it turned out that wasn't something he needed to have worried about.

Finally Gai shook his head and licked his lips as if he was startled to still find them there. He had a nice flush on his face and his hair was messed up. Kakashi gave the strands a few more tweaks just to be sure. He normally didn't get to see Gai with the mussed-up look unless Kakashi had trashed his ass in some physical match first; might as well enjoy it.

Gai was looking at him uncertainly, a question hovering in his eyes. Kakashi nodded encouragingly.

"Er...is that what's called oral sex?"

Kakashi never lost his temper; he also never burst out into fits of hysterical laughter. In this instance he was glad his nature was rather laconic, as hysterical laughter wouldn't have done much for Gai's slowly budding confidence. 

"Ah, no."

"Oh. Anko mentioned that, and it sounded like-"

"Gai, you've seen people kiss before. There are couples doing it all over the village every Friday night. That's the first step to getting little Shinobi."

"I never saw anybody kiss like that!"

"Then you weren't looking properly, though I grant you, most people keep that for the bedroom."

"And this is related to sex?" Gai was scrutinizing him intently.

"It can be. We're going over the basics, and that was step number one. There's a lot of stuff that can relate to sex. It's like...it's like Taijutsu. You got a lot of different moves. You have your probing attacks to figure out what your opponent's made of, you got preparatory moves to set up your major strikes and you have your deathblows. You pick up favorites and specialties and signature techniques, and you have to figure out which move is most appropriate for a given situation." 

Sex for dummies and extreme martial artists, Kakashi thought wearily, not quite believing what he'd just spouted. But as long as it worked...

It was like a light had come on in Gai's eyes, he was nodding eagerly and Kakashi suddenly remembered a very young boy learning martial arts with burning enthusiasm that was infectious, even to a cynical, burnt-out preteen who'd thought he'd seen it all.

"Can you teach me more?" 

Kakashi smirked, hooked his fingers over the top of Gai's flack-jacket and tugged him towards the bed.

 

\---

 

Kakashi had gotten himself a bit too deeply into 'sensei' mode, the wise teacher showing an eager student the moves. Which was fair enough, but he'd forgotten a small detail. Gai was a Jounin as well as a nearly complete virgin. Which meant he learned quickly and adapted well once you gave him a clue what you expected. He also had a lot of stamina. Quite a lot. And of course, Gai was a Taijutsu specialist, which automatically implied perfect and total muscular control.

Kakashi rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling, trying to focus through the wild twitch of pulse shimmying his vision. He wasn't up to anything as complicated and multi-syllabic as _perfect and total muscular control_ at this point in time, his thoughts more along the lines of 'Fuck _me!_ '

There was a groan off to one side. Kakashi felt a prickle of concern and kicked his reluctant brain into higher gear.

"Gai?"

Silence.

"Gai, you okay?"

There was a muffled stutter drowned in the pillow. Gai coughed and moved a bit, and the words became a bit clearer.

"Tha' w's...better th'n th' first time."

Silence. Kakashi waited. He could almost hear the little wheels turning under that bowl cut.

Gai spoke again, more firmly and after due consideration. "That was a _lot_ better than the first time."

Kakashi relaxed and allowed himself to bask a bit under the stroke to his ego. 

"Kakashi...I'm sorry, I broke something."

Okay, alarmed again now. "What? Where does it hurt?"

He turned towards the lump in the bed. Gai was still on his stomach where he'd fallen, probably right in his own wet spot. But that didn't seem to be what concerned him now. He'd lifted his head and was staring muzzily at the large window sill above the bed. Kakashi followed his glance. The thick wood was fractured, a split running from one side to an area that had been crunched to large splinters under Gai's fingers when he'd gripped it near the end. Come to think of it, Kakashi had heard a loud crack a few minutes back, but he hadn't really been in a position to pay that much attention to details.

"Don't worry about it, it's easy to fix."

"I'll replace it immediately! It is my responsibility...to replace the furnishings...I inconsiderately..." Gai's speech was a good deal weaker than usual and seemed to be going slower and slower, like the tick tock of a clock winding down.

"Don't worry about it, I told you. Just check your hands for splinters."

Kakashi frowned at the ceiling which was finally in focus. Okay, apparently they'd gotten through the Sex Primer. But maybe Kakashi should take this opportunity to ensure there was no emotional fallout here. In all this time, Gai had never really linked sex to love. He didn't read the same books Kakashi did, or any books at all apart from 'Mysteries Of The Taijutsu Masters Of The Secret Lotus Palm'. But this was one point Kakashi wanted to be clear on.

"Okay, Gai, now you know how it's supposed to be done. But-"

Snore.

Kakashi sighed and glanced over. Gai was still sprawled out on his stomach, his face turned away. Snoring. He never snored when they were catching a quick cat nap on a mission, or even when he collapsed, exhausted, after an intense fight. A Shinobi learned to sleep quietly and lightly except when he knew he was completely safe. 

...Huh.

"But maybe I should have taught you about the post-screw cleanup before you nodded off," Kakashi silently mouthed. "You'll figure it out when you try to scrape yourself out of my sheets later. Here endeth the lesson."

His eyes trailed along the sleeping form. Lean, sleek and deadly. Larger in the shoulders and back than Kakashi, a greater mass yet perfectly balanced on the edge between power, stamina and inhuman speed. Scars running here and there, at least one of which bore Kakashi's sloppy field stitches. Gai looked infinitely better sprawled naked with that 'well fucked' looseness about his muscles than he did in that spandex and bloody legwarmers. 

But the truth was, Kakashi didn't mind the outfit and the legwarmers, or the speeches, or the way Gai challenged him every few months. These things were...Gai. Something Kakashi had come to rely on, as much as the deadly fists ready to defend his back and the edge of competition that brought out the best in both of them. What he was looking at now was just another facet of the man, one that Kakashi hadn't seen until today; hell, nobody had seen this side of Gai yet. Nice view, by the way. 

Kakashi settled back against the pillow, suddenly sleepy himself. The late afternoon sunshine played across their skins as the crab-apple tree outside rustled in a gathering breeze. Gai was a solid, gently snoring presence a few inches away from Kakashi's body, his chakra pattern so familiar it didn't even raise a blip on Kakashi's radar. Warmth seemed to radiate from his skin, and even the unfamiliar dip in the mattress from another man's weight was somehow soothing. Kakashi knew he should be thinking about all he was going to say when they woke up, but he went to sleep before he could really get around to caring about it.

 

\---

 

Kakashi awoke with an agenda: have a talk with Gai. 

He didn't want any misunderstanding. Kakashi had shown Gai the basics, but he didn't want to shape Gai into an image of himself, not in this department. When it came down to it, Gai probably wasn't somebody who was made for casual sex and a small list of fuck-buddies. He'd want somebody to hang around. Somebody warm and open, not some frostbitten, cynical old porn-addict. 

Above all, Kakashi didn't want to lose his friend and rival. And he had the feeling that that might happen if they got too close. Kakashi had never done very well with 'close'. 

He woke Gai up by the simple expedient of pinching his nose shut in mid-snore. After avoiding the instinctive punch, he herded Gai to the bathroom for a much needed shower. Since the old house didn't have much of a heater, he decided that sharing the shower was the smart move. Between the sweat of this morning's short match, Gai's press-ups and various other fluids, the shower took longer than anticipated. In the noise of falling water - and the concentration it took to clean Gai's strong back properly - he didn't have a good opportunity for a chat. Also, his mind kept drifting- but mainly, it was the noise of the water and Gai's enthusiastic speech about Hygiene.

He was going to have the talk afterwards, though. They had to set these things straight. This was never going to happen more than once. This had been a break in the routine, and Kakashi didn't regret a minute of it, seeing how relaxed and normal Gai was now compared to earlier this afternoon. But Kakashi relied too much on his habits, his ramparts. Gai's role in this was well-defined, and Kakashi didn't want to lose that. Gai also needed to figure out for himself what he wanted from a future partner, and Kakashi probably wouldn't be it.

Kakashi had had some pretty crummy 'morning afters' in his time. This was one reason he restricted himself to a small handful of friends these days. He'd had people walk out without a word; he'd had guys hang around with stars in their eyes like they expected an invitation to move in the next day; he'd had others talk about feelings and look at him like they expected him to feel something back. 

He'd had some good experiences too, mostly with other Jounin; comparing scars, wrestling in bed, or simply a quick 'that was fun, want to go grab a beer now?' That evening with Gai fell into that same category. They ate at the rickety old kitchen table, Kakashi in sweatpants and Gai in a robe Kakashi had scrounged up. They shared an omelette made with just about everything in the fridge. They talked about old matches, old friends and old enemies. The embarrassment factor was zero, probably because Gai wasn't aware there was anything to be embarrassed about, and because Kakashi, who was pretty much unembarrassable by nature, wasn't about to enlighten him. 

"Kakashi?"

"Hm?" Kakashi dropped the dishes in the sink with a careless clank.

"Thank you."

Kakashi glanced over his shoulder with a half-smile. "My pleasure."

He needed to have that talk.

Because there was a warmth in the air, in Gai's open gaze when he looked at Kakashi. It worried the latter more than an improbable declaration of love would, because this look, this feeling wasn't entirely unfamiliar; it felt akin to what they normally shared, but it was deeper, it went places it had no business going. He wasn't sure how to handle it. He was afraid it was going to be the beginning of the end of something he relied on. He had to make things clear now, while they were still simple. He'd done what he'd promised, he'd showed Gai the ropes-

Though to be fair, since he'd taken on himself to educate Gai, maybe he should make sure Gai knew what to do when it was his turn on top. Just to be thorough- maybe Kakashi was the one who should be running thousands of laps around Konoha. It might do something for his disintegrating mental discipline.

"Kakashi?"

"Hm?" Kakashi grunted, wrestling with soapy glass and his own traitorous mind.

"I challenge you!"

Kakashi dropped a cup which nearly cracked the plates. "Huh?"

"Not in that," Gai said chidingly, wagging his finger in remonstrance, then he resumed his Good Guy pose. "I challenge you! A real match. Our last two were pathetic. We barely got in five minutes of armed combat this afternoon."

"There was the footrace."

"You took several hours and crossed the finish line with a bag of books. I challenge you to a proper match! Hmmm, how about Taijutsu? But...tomorrow," Gai added, yawning. He let slip the pose to lean his chin on his fist with a contented, rested air.

"...Sure."

"Good. I won't let you default on me! I hope you'll teach me more about sex. I have a feeling there's much to learn, and you are my most respected and well-learned friend. But above all else...you are my Eternal Rival!" 

Kakashi examined Gai's open, honest, enthusiastic face. 

Gai looked back at him, curiously at first, then with slight concern as Kakashi's scrutiny dragged on for several life-defining, screw-the-routine-and-take-a-chance moments.

"I'll hold you to that," Kakashi finally said.

He ignored Gai's startled expression and turned towards the dishes. After a second, Gai charged over and demanded a dish towel, like Kakashi had known he would.

Later that night they broke the side-beam on Kakashi's bed. Gai apologized again, and promised to repair the frame with his own hands. Kakashi told him not to worry about it. He'd been thinking of getting something sturdier for awhile now, and he had the feeling he was going to need it in the future.


	5. Epilogue

Kakashi was having one of those mornings.

Here he was, one of the best Shinobi in Konoha - hey, why be modest when you're so good? - and he'd just cut himself with his own razor. Twice.

Kakashi glared sleepily at the offending instrument. Wait a minute. This wasn't his.

"This is yours," he grumbled. 

There was movement beyond the door and Gai appeared, pulling down his undershirt.

"What?" 

Kakashi waved the long-bladed razor at him. The razor that didn't have quite the right grip or quite the right blade. "This is yours. Why is this yours?"

Gai gave him a measuring look. Then he plucked the razor out of Kakashi's fingers, put it back on the shelf, picked up Kakashi's razor - unfairly hidden behind the toothbrush glass - put it in Kakashi's hand and left with a cheerful cry of "Time to put that coffee on, I see!"

Bastard...Kakashi, still half-asleep, glared at the empty doorway. He hated morning people. 

A quick flow of chakra stopped the small bleeders from staining the shaving cream with red. They should be mostly healed by the time he had to leave this morning. The advantages of being a Shinobi just never stopped.

From the kitchen drifted sounds of Gai starting the coffee. He was also humming something grand, enthusiastic and off-key. He always hummed first thing in the morning. Bastard, thought Kakashi without rancor. 

His eyes rested on the traitorous razor lying in wait on the shelf. The first few times Gai had slept over, he'd gotten up early to go back to his own pad to shower and dress before meeting his team. Gai could not get up in the morning and leave discreetly. Such a thing was just not in Gai's nature. Kakashi had, in sheer self-preservation, told the man to leave a few supplies here so he could get ready at Kakashi's when staying over. Like that, Kakashi could get that extra hour of sleep in the morning that made all the difference.

His razor, nice and comfortable in his grip, slid across the bristle. What was this morning's program...? Oh yeah, Team 7 had to finish that mission in the armoury. No wonder he was having such a hard time waking up, with something that fun to look forward to.

They'd been at it all day yesterday already, helping the scientists and weapon specialists sort, inventory and trial-run offensive scrolls and researched jutsus that had been accumulating for years while the village was short staffed. It was a B-rank mission on paper, but it was really just an overblown maid job, clearing the dust from the scrolls and checking them before giving them to the armoury staff. Some of the scrolls had been taken from enemies and were booby-trapped, others were damaged, causing them to misfire on opening. It made the job a bit more interesting, but not in a very fun way.

Because of those dangerous scrolls and secret jutsus, the 'maids' had to be Shinobi with good skills, a high security clearance and hopefully a couple of Sharingan thrown into the bargain; naturally Team 7 had drawn the short straw. An irritated Kakashi had come home late last night with dust on his clothes and a bewildered spider in his hair, which Gai had found and kindly put out the window. 

Not that yesterday had been a total waste. Kakashi had picked up a warm glow when he overheard two Chuunin discuss the strange and sudden illness that had overtaken their buddy, Idika Masuyo, when he came in to work that morning. Apparently he'd taken one step into the scroll room, gone green and said he had to go home. 

Kakashi smirked evilly into the mirror. Four months gone already, but Idika must still fondly remember Kakashi and their little 'discussion'. 

The humming from the kitchen had risen in volume to compensate for the sounds of a blender doing nasty things to a couple of raw eggs, celery and tofu. Kakashi didn't even have to actively process the various noises and smells to know that Gai was making Nutrient Power Breakfast Number One. Gai had been providing for himself for a long time now, he was used to it, and since he thought highly of Nutrition, he always insisted on making breakfast for Kakashi as well. It wasn't too bad; Kakashi had been on field missions since he was six, he could eat a skunk if he had to.

"Oh, I spoke to Genma yesterday," Gai said once the blender stopped.

Kakashi cut himself for the third time this morning. Wasn't he ever glad he wore a mask.

"What did he say?" he asked cautiously.

"Congratulations. I'm not sure what he was congratulating me about. Do you think he heard about that new Taijutsu move I came up with? Brilliant Scything Swan Swoop? It was certainly nice of him to say something."

"Right."

Kakashi stared into the mirror, but it wasn't his own reflection he was seeing...

...it was Genma's crooked smile and eyes full of curiosity, two days ago.

"Hey, Kakashi, long time no see." 

Genma moved in front of Kakashi as if he expected the other man to dodge and make a run for it. Kakashi had been on his way home after a day's training, idly walking along and reading, so Genma's attitude was a bit strange, but then so was Genma on occasion. When you were a Jounin, it sort of came with the territory.

"Long time? We ate together yesterday," Kakashi pointed out, a bit puzzled.

Genma waved the comment away. "That was with all the guys around. I meant, long time since I've managed to get you on your own."

"Oh? Maybe. What's up?"

Genma threw an amicable arm around Kakashi's shoulders and lead him off to one side of the road, to lean against a garden wall out of the way of curious passer byes. "It just occurred to me the other day that it'd been ages since we'd gotten together."

From his tone, stance and grin, Genma was not talking about meeting up for drinks or the Jounin volleyball tournament.

"True," Kakashi said. "But I thought you and Raido..." 

He didn't finish his sentence or rub it in, but every Shinobi in Hidden Leaf knew it: Genma had gotten himself snared, and he wasn't the only one. It was how Kakashi knew all his friends were getting old; many of them seemed to have paired off, almost by accident. As if they'd dropped their guard and suddenly bang, they'd been domesticated. Poor saps, Kakashi thought pityingly.

Genma nodded sagely. Releasing Kakashi's shoulders, he took a step back, twiddling with his senbon. Kakashi could feel Genma's discreet scrutiny linger on his masked face. 

"That's just the thing. Me an' Raido were talking about you the other day...we were thinking that we wouldn't mind if you joined in occasionally."

Kakashi's eyebrows arched slowly. "What an intriguing notion."

"So?"

"I'll pass."

He hadn't had to think about it very hard, for a whole host of piddling little reasons. It shouldn't have been that surprising; he'd turned Genma down before when he didn't have the time or the energy. But for some reason, Genma treated Kakashi's answer like it was the single most staggering statement he'd ever heard. He also looked like he'd been half-expecting it.

"Good god, it's true then. I'd heard it, but I didn't believe it, but it's true, and I still don't believe-"

"What are you blabbering about?"

"You and- and Gai?!"

Genma looked suddenly nervous and ready to duck a blow from an insulted Jounin. Kakashi studied him, perplexed.

"Yeah, me and Gai. We've been hanging out and hitting the sack together for about four months now."

Genma looked like he'd been sucker punched. 

"You've only heard about it now? We've not been particularly discreet." Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "You ran into us when we were together just last month. Why are you all surprised?"

"Er, Kakashi, when I ran into you two, you guys were fighting."

Kakashi paused mid-scratch. "Oh yeah, we were."

"...Was that some kind of power game thing?"

"No," Kakashi answered a bit frostily, "that was a challenge. You know, like the ones we've been doing for the past twenty-plus years? Get your mind out of the gutter. It was a wrestling match, if I remember right."

"No, you were both armed. I almost thought I'd have to step in, then I realized you weren't going for the kill."

"Oh that's right, the wrestling was a lot later that night," Kakashi said dreamily. It hadn't been the sort of wrestling you did in public, either, unless you didn't mind a rap sheet and a stay in jail.

Genma looked like he'd swallowed his senbon. "That's one mental image I didn't really want. I just can't believe it."

"Why not?" Kakashi asked a bit tetchily. 

"Well...Gai's my friend, and one of the few guys I would always want on my side in a fight, but...I mean, come on, Gai?! What's he got?"

"He's a fast learner," Kakashi murmured with a rich leer which, fortunately for Genma's composure, was hidden by the mask.

Genma was looking at him as if he'd never seen him before. His wide eyes were going over every inch of Kakashi's masked face and stance. He must have come to some conclusion, and it must have been a good one, because the senbon toppled from his lips. His hand snatched it from the air and put it back in his mouth, apparently on automatic. 

"You...you're serious."

"Serious?" Kakashi wasn't that much of a joker, and he wouldn't kid around about sleeping with someone. Why...was Genma staring at him like that?

"Damn. I mean....damn." Genma blinked slowly and gave Kakashi a crooked smile. "That's...If there was one guy in this village I thought would always be on the loose...Damn. That's the end of an era...But I'm glad for you, man. For both of you. Damn."

Genma wandered off, looking stunned. Kakashi stared at his retreating back and wondered if there hadn't been some misunderstanding here.

Kakashi and Gai had been having a good time these past few months, furthering Gai's education. But that was all there was to it.

True, Kakashi hadn't been screwing with anybody else in the past four months. Gai didn't have the mental agility (or possibly the moral degeneration) to understand things like sleeping around and fuck-buddies and all that. Kakashi hadn't even tried to explain it. Gai was still learning the basics as far as Kakashi was concerned. Besides, he didn't want Gai picking up bad habits with other people at this delicate stage in his schooling. When Gai knew everything he did, when Gai started to get bored, they could rethink the arrangement. Of course, in the present circumstances Kakashi had to restrict himself too, it was only fair. And not that onerous, really; Gai was indeed a fast learner. But if Genma thought this meant that- that there'd been some massive lifestyle change for either Kakashi or Gai, then Genma had been working a bit too hard and should cut back on the S-rank missions. 

Back in the present, Kakashi realized a hand was making cautious up-and-down movements in front of his face.

"Kakashi?" Gai said carefully. It was unwise to startle a Jounin deep in thought. 

"Yeah?" Kakashi muttered, glaring at the mirror and the razor pressed unmoving against his cheek. It was rather alarming the way his internal radar let Gai wander up to him unchallenged, completely bypassing him as a potential threat. Gai could be trusted completely, but he could also punch a hole through a wall. 

Gai looked like he wanted to make a speech about Powering Up in the Morning, but he'd learned not to do that until Kakashi had had at least half a cup of coffee. So he merely put the brew down on the shelf next to the toothbrush glass and returned to the kitchen. 

Kakashi gave up on shaving; another advantage of wearing a mask. He cleaned off the lather and reached for the coffee. It was thick and black. Gai only drank tea, but he'd learned to make a mean cup of beans in the past few months.

Coffee in hand, Kakashi wandered out into the kitchen area. From the sound of it, breakfast would be ready soon. 

He hadn't started looking for a new one-room apartment yet. He just didn't have the time. And, well, he was finally getting used to this place, even the rooms other than the bedroom. His stay here had populated the house with new, more pleasant memories; it helped him bury some old ghosts. It'd be a pity to move out now. Besides, the larger bathroom and kitchen were handy when he had guests, or when Gai stayed over. 

Kakashi stood at the kitchen entrance, but he didn't go in and sit down. He just looked.

Despite all his best intentions and rationalizations, that conversation with Genma kept coming back to him.

The kitchen had been rearranged and looked more lived-in now. The rickety table had been replaced. It had been on its last legs, and Kakashi's attempt to initiate Gai to sex outside the bedroom hadn't helped. The new table was a whole lot better anyway. It was smaller and nearly wedged into a corner of the kitchen, so that neither Jounin needed to sit down with his back to a door or window. It had taken some creative furniture arranging, but now they could relax while they ate. 

The usual two asymmetrical settings were on the table. Kakashi ate with chopsticks, drank coffee and read the paper. Gai preferred a spoon and a sports drink straight out of the bottle while he thought deep thoughts about the philosophy of Life and Nutrition. He also ate a lot more at breakfast than Kakashi, but since he prepared it when he stayed over, Kakashi didn't mind. Kakashi put together dinner in the evening, so it evened out.

Kakashi stared at the kitchen as if he was trying to decipher an unknown encryption. The coffee hadn't kicked in yet. That must be it. That must be why the kitchen and Genma and the past four months and Gai's humming and the razor and Gai's routines winding around his own, were all rolling around his sleepy mind as if trying to fit into an overall pattern...

"Kakashi? Hurry up, I have to go in thirty minutes. Are you still not awake? The energetic bird gets the spring worm! Youth must ever- hmfh!"

Kakashi had figured out by now how to get out of a lecture or a speech. He could also get rid of a coffee cup and pin a man taller and heavier than himself against a wall in less than a second. That was why he was one of Konoha's best Shinobi.

Gai was a damn good Shinobi too. He couldn't talk with Kakashi's tongue in his mouth, but it didn't take him all that long to partially unwrap himself from Kakashi's hold and move his head away.

"Kakashi! We don't have time for- my team is-"

"It won't hurt them if you're late. I'm late all the time."

In fact, in a purely physical match, Gai was just a bit stronger than Kakashi.

The kitchen seemed to move around him, and suddenly it was Kakashi pressed against the wall, wrists gripped in a steely hold and Gai's weight blocking his movements.

"Punctuality," Gai declared solemnly, "is the courtesy of kings."

"I've always been a bit of an anarchist that way myself."

Gai shook his head reprovingly, then he planted a quick, loud kiss on Kakashi's lips, dodged Kakashi's best efforts to turn it into something a lot more interesting, and walked away with a comment of: "You cut yourself shaving, you know."

Kakashi weighed his chances of jumping Gai and wrestling him to the floor-

"I'm starting to know you, my rival," Gai said without turning around. "And I must tell you that what you are planning is very unwise."

Fifty-fifty, at best. Gai was bloody strong, Kakashi wasn't about to use ninjutsu in the kitchen, and Gai was more alert than Kakashi was at this time of the morning. Okay, then, breakfast. 

Kakashi sat down, chin in hand, waiting for his bowl of Power Gloop. Gai was at the counter dishing it out, along with some rice for Kakashi, but his movements had slowed. He was staring at the calendar hanging on the wall, and he was muttering to himself.

"...second week...? No, that was in July...then..."

Ah, Kakashi thought, you could always count on Gai; regular as clockwork. He idly straightened the soy sauce, nudging it back to its usual place at the centre of the table. Wait for it...

"What are you doing today?" Gai asked without turning around, as casual and subtle as a herd of stampeding oxen.

"Still working at the armoury, sorting their inventory. We should be done by noon. Naruto's damn good at that Kage Bunshin, as he should be by now. His clones already did half of the shelves yesterday."

"So this afternoon, you'll be...?"

"Was planning on throwing some training at the brats and relaxing."

The bowl landed on the counter with a clunk. A dramatic ray of sunshine shot through the blinds to illuminate Pose Number Five in the catalogue, as well as Gai's teeth.

"Kakashi, I challenge you!"

"And I never saw it coming."

"Gyah! So cool! But I will beat you in a physical match! You, my eternal rival, the only man capable of-"

Kakashi hid his smile in his coffee cup.

He was going to stop wondering about Genma's imagination and razor blades and his new-found ability to recognize a Power Breakfast recipe by the screech of the blender. His life had _not_ changed, he decided. It certainly didn't feel any different than before. Perhaps less solitary, perhaps a bit cosier these days, perhaps it was just that little bit better all around. But it was still full of the usual - and the slightly bizarre - routines and rituals that Kakashi had come to rely on. 

And Kakashi didn't think he'd ever find routine boring.


End file.
